Chapter Six

Decisions

It was Hope’s decision never to take birth control pills, even though statistics indicate they might lessen the chances of ovarian cancer.

It was Hope’s decision never to breastfeed our children, even though statistics indicate that breastfeeding might lessen the chances of ovarian cancer.

It was Hope’s decision not to have her uterus removed after she’d had numerous fibroid tumors, even though statistics indicate that surgery might lessen the chances of ovarian cancer.

It was Hope’s decision, once the cancer entered her bones, not to change from the chemotherapy doctor she’d been with for seven years to a venerable doctor who specialized in this form of cancer.

So why do I hate myself for not being more forceful in guiding Hope’s decisions? Why can’t I just live with the fact that these were her decisions and I am not responsible for them or for her death? Why?